There’s this saying that shook me when I first read it. “You cannot be loved, you can only BE love”. I don’t know why, but it resonated SO much with my being. Perhaps because I’ve experienced how deeply connected I feel with everything and everyone when I’m truly connected to myself. I’ve been on this self love journey for a while now and it’s for the first time I have a sense of bodily knowledge of what it means to love myself. It can be quite a hollow phrase right; “you just have to love yourself”. Sounds great, but how do I do that and how can I truly know when I do? I feel ya and I wanna explore this topic a little further. Let’s dive in 💦
The self love hype
If you’ve browsed a little on the internet, Google on self love or search #selflove on Insta, you can indulge yourself with all the quotes and tips on how to love yourself. Self love has become a hype. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean I cheer on everyone who gives themselves more attention, care and priority. But what I see happening in the industry is that people are looking for self love and hoping for someone to tell them how to “do” it. I know, because I’ve been one of them 😉 I knew I was struggling with accepting and loving myself, I felt insignificant, too much, not enough. That’s what it all comes down to right? Anyway, the irony here is that looking for someone outside of you to tell you HOW to start loving yourself will never work. Because they’re not YOU and they never will be. No one outside of you can experience your life and no one else can do “the work” for you. So I hate to break it to you, but if you’re looking for someone to save you, fix you or heal you, dream on (says the 5th line Personality a.k.a. the general/saviour/hero archetype 😜) And if anyone is pretending to be your saviour or telling you how much you need them so you can be healed or fixed, RUN!
Now I’m not saying don’t follow anyone or stop reading quotes. I love quotes (just look at how I started this blogpost), and when they resonate they touch upon a core essence inside of me. In my experience, words have a frequency just as much as music. In fact, everything holds a frequency to some extent. Andddd side tracked again… 🤓
The thing is that just reading about self love or looking at others probably won’t actually help you love and accept yourself. What they do show you is that it’s possible, they give a little hope, they inspire or set an example. Which is great and yet at the same time the self-help self love industry can drag you even deeper into believing there’s something wrong with you that you should or could improve and this is how you do it (Yup, fell for that trap as well).
How to love yourself?
If you’ve come this far in reading, you can probably guess I won’t give you a quick & dirty answer to this question. Because I can’t. I will never be able to know what it feels like for YOU to love yourself. To feel connected to your essence, to accept the beauty of all that is you. That’s for you to explore and find out. What I can share is what my journey has showed me and give you practical tools you can test for yourself. It might all work differently for you, because you’re one of kind 🦄
Ok, here we go. First of all it’s interesting to contemplate what self love means to you. Instead of looking at others or having someone tell you what it “should” look like, go inward. Forget about the quotes for a moment, forget about the influencers and the 5-step plans to “get” somewhere. What does self love mean to YOU? What does it look like in your life? How would you feel if you truly love & accept yourself. What bodily sensations do you notice when you tap into that feeling? That can be your anchor. For me as an example, I feel tranquility and presence in the now and I notice a warmth in my body. It’s also as if I’m so in tune with my own energy that I’m unfuckwithable (love that word! 🔥). I’m in tune with me and follow my moment to moment response. Despite what anyone thinks.
The other thing that has helped me over the years is to check in with myself and reflect on what’s currently blocking me from loving myself. What’s blocking me from tapping into that state of being I just described? 9 times out of 10, it’s my mind interfering, commenting or telling me there’s something wrong. That’s what our minds do. They judge, comment, have opinions etc. But they do not necessarily match with your true essence and that state of being. At least not in my case. Because my mind has been conditioned and fed with beliefs, opinions and ideas of others. With my undefined Head & Ajna I am super prone to being led astray from my truth in all that openness. And even more so, to make decisions from that place because I think this is the right thing to do. Oh boy, is my mind telling me stories about what will happen if I don’t do this or that. It’s freaking scared all the time! 😱 Learning about where my mind is specifically taking me into fear and how these voices sound has been super valuable and helpful.
It’s all inside
What it all comes down to is learning to trust yourself and your inner guidance (or guru as I like to call it). And that’s an inside job. One that takes years for us adults because it’s not something we learn in school when we’re kids. Most of us are not raised according to our true nature and don’t learn to connect to our body and trust its signs. It’s like reparenting yourself in a way. Connecting to your inner authority every moment of every day, training these muscles so to speak. 💪 Listening to your body & your own energy instead of your monkey mind. And see what happens along the way, trusting your own experience.
For me this self love journey has become a one back to myself. It started with me living inside of my head and from that place looking outward to every self-help book or influencer to please tell me what to do. To please tell me how to fix my problems and how to make the right decisions. Funny huh, that wanting to come back home to myself so badly, drove me even further away from that place. How ironic! I was lost, looking in the wrong places and when I finally understood there was nothing wrong with me in the first place, there wasn’t anything to look for anymore. I am already here and loving myself doesn’t require me to become someone I’m not or “get” to a certain destination. There are no conditions and I don’t have to pretend that I love myself either by “doing spiritual” or love-and-light-ing everything. Actually that has been one of the most loving thing I’ve done for myself. What a big fat relief that was when Human Design showed me everything I need is already inside of me. And that no person, book, guru or influencer could ever tell me otherwise. Not even Human Design itself. I didn’t have to follow anyone else any longer, except for the beat of my own drum 🥁
For me it’s all about my body and staying in tune with my own energy. And in the process watching my mind telling me all sorts of stuff that may or may not be true. Letting go of all the nonsense, letting go of all the stories. Nature is my biggest teacher. As are children by the way. So pure and still in tune with their body & authentic self.
Enjoy the ride! 🎢
Love, C. ❤️