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My strongest Not-Self center: The Solar Plexus

In Human Design we distinguish 9 energy centers that all have a function for each and every one of us. How they play out and how we experience these energies is unique to you though. It all depends on whether or not a center is defined, what gates and channels come out of it and in which planets and lines they are. Apart from definition, it has been super valuable to me to learn about my Not-Self and how that might play out my every day life. Understanding my Not-Self gave me signpost to become aware of when it tried to take over. We all have a combination of centers that are undefined (or completely open) and in that there’s a hierarchy that you might notice. My strongest Not-Self center is the Solar Plexus. And oof it’s quite something to recognize and decondition from. In this blog I’ll talk about my experience with this center and what I’ve learned so far. Let’s dive in 💦

Not-Self hierarchy

Before talking about my own experience, I’d like to give a little context. When I’m talking about the Not-Self I’m talking about living out parts of my design that I’m not. And everywhere in my design that is white, has the potential to take me away from my true self and what I am here to live out. My mind wants to be in control and does that via the openness in my chart. Basically my mind wants to be the whole chart and wants me to work really hard to attain that. On the surface it shows up via the open centers*. Every open center has a specific theme that will pop-up in our minds. Below you can see the different themes per center.

*An important side note is that the centers are the strongest Not-Self conditioners for people with Single or Triple Split definition. If you have a Simple-Split (with only one or a couple gates that bridge it), the bridge gates are stronger conditioners and your Not-Self mind will probably focus more on these specific themes to get a sense of wholeness. For the sake of this blog I’m not going to go into the Split but will focus on the centers.

source: Jovian Archive

If you have a lot of open centers, there might be a combination of Not-Self talk you recognize. In my case it’s the combo of an undefined Head, Ajna, Root and Solar Plexus. What I’ve learned (from Jonah Dempcy and his great explanations) is that there is a hierarchy of the Not-Self. Meaning that there are centers that lay beneath mental decision making more than others. Of course this might not be your own experience, so don’t just take this as truth. The hierarchy is as follows (from strongest to weakest):

– Heart
– Solar Plexus
– G
– Spleen
– Ajna
– Head
– Root
– Sacral
– Throat

The stronger the Not-Self center, the deeper the conditioning will be. And often less recognisable to others. It’s like an iceberg where others see the tip above the water (the behavior of your weaker Not-Self centers) but there’s a whole lot more below the surface (the behavior of you stronger Not-Self centers). I’ve definitely experienced this in my own life. For example, my strongest Not-Self center is the Solar Plexus (because I have a defined Heart ❤️ ) followed by the Ajna, Head and Root. So what others might see is me being super fast, rushed and stressed out or in a hurry all the time. Or they might see me trying to come up with answers for other people’s problems or overcoming my uncertainty by being rigid in my opinions or concepts. But below all that, what others don’t see, is my undefined Solar Plexus who wants to avoid confrontation and truth to not rock the boat and keep the peace. That’s the biggest driver of my Not-Self mind in making decisions.

Avoiding confrontation & truth

Once I learned about my design this rang so true to me. Deep down I knew this was how I behaved, I knew that this theme of avoiding confrontation has been the at the root of my decision making. Owning up to it already gave some release. For me this has been my number one reason to do or say things, especially in relation to others. Because that’s what it has been about for me; not wanting to upset others, not wanting to make them angry or disappointed. This is where I started to be a people pleaser. In most situations I’ve been the one saying ‘yes’, being ‘ok’ with everything and feeling fine. Cause I wanted to avoid confrontations that might arose out of me not being ‘ok’ or even saying ‘no’. Holy shit, did that terrify me to death. Only the thought of speaking my truth would block my throat and freeze my whole system. 🥶

All the time my mind was telling me “don’t say/do that because you might upset them” “if you do that this or that might happen and we don’t want that”. Off course I wasn’t aware of this dynamic, it had become my auto-pilot and I was just acting out of habit. Until I couldn’t do it any longer, cause it was exhausting as hell and not serving me or my relationships. I had lost myself and thought I had sunk so deeply into my facade that I couldn’t get out of it.

Binge eating, hiding & pretending

For a long time I believed that if others knew the “real me”, they would not accept me. That if I told the truth which might not be so nice to hear, they would not like me anymore. Which is absurd in a way and especially because I would want them to be nothing other than honest and truthful with me. Even if it meant I wouldn’t like to hear it. At least that’s how I want it to be now. Before I knew anything about HD I did become aware of this dynamic of hiding myself and my truth for the sake of keeping the peace. It wasn’t something new. I have been pretending my whole life, putting on a mask of the nice girl who said ‘yes’ to about almost anything. But behind that mask there was a lot of resentment and frustration. “Why couldn’t I just say no?” “Why don’t THEY understand not to ask me this?” “How can they not know that this isn’t what I need/want?” Well, shocker, because I didn’t communicate my needs or wants. I just expected others to understand me while at the same time I was putting on a mask that prevented just that. The irony! 😅 But as long as I believed THEY were the problem and THEY would not be able to handle my truth, nothing would change. And I would stay stuck in resentment and frustration instead of deepening my connection to both myself and others. Which was what I longed for deep down. I still don’t like confrontation and speaking my truth sometimes still scares the hell out of me. But I’m aware of the mechanic now and I know it’s just my Not-Self trying to protect me. It’s like this inner child part of me saying “this is not safe!”

Whenever nervousness creeped up or emotions boiled inside of me I didn’t now how to handle, I would eat. I binged on everything that was sweet and put myself in a food coma, not feeling anything. And right after the fact I would judge myself so freakin hard for putting all this junk into my body. That inner critic is no joke. When binging, it was like I was taken over by a force greater than myself. It was all auto-pilot and I couldn’t stop. What I understand in hindsight is that this was just my way of trying to cope with the emotional energies inside of me. I never learned how to do this in a healthy way, I didn’t even know that was an option. I’m not saying this to play the victim, because the people around me didn’t know either. So no one is to blame really. I see this dynamic in so many people around me and it looks like something for many of us to learn. To become aware of what emotions really are, that they always move from high to low, from hope to pain, from joy to sadness etc. To become emotionally intelligent instead of emotionally reactive will probably be of benefit to us all.

Don’t make emotional decisions

What mechanically happens from a Human Design perspective is that with my undefined Solar Plexus I’m not build to process a continuous wave of emotions like those with a defined SP. But because of the openness every emotions comes in ten times as big, I amplify the emotions of the other. This all happens whether I’m aware of it or not. I was making emotional decisions either to get rid of a nervous feeling OR to because I was fixing on expectations in a high. Before HD I wasn’t and just thought I was very emotional myself, crying in a heartbeat, feeling so many highs and lows. Learning that I wasn’t the one with the emotional wave was both liberating and astonishing. You mean I don’t have to do anything with these emotions? 😳 Wow! I could just be this open window enjoying the wind (wave) come in and letting the it flow through. I’m here to experience it through the other, but not let myself be blown away by it (to stay with the wind metaphor 😉 )

So what this basically means is that I’m not here to make decisions based on emotional highs or lows. Well no one is, cause if you have a defined SP you’re here to wait out your wave to find clarity over time on what feels good to you. It has been interesting to see how my relationship to emotions has changed the past few years in my deconditioning process. I’m more aware of emotional waves of others and the transits and feel the nervous energy in my body. It still feels uncomfortable and my body is restless, but I allow myself to just experience the energy and do practices that help me release. For example, today is the first day that my SP is not defined by transits (the energetic weather through the planets) and I feel more at ease and calm. Yesterday (and the whole week before) it was still defined and I feel the difference in my body. So interesting to watch! And more importantly to experience that there’s nothing wrong, it’s just energy moving through. And I don’t have to act because of it. Awareness is everything to me in this whole process.

Enjoy the ride 🎢

Love, C. ❤️

Wanna deep dive into this topic some more?

If you’re looking for someone to explain how your own Not-Self dynamic might play out, I’m your girl. Expect some confrontation and truth without the fluff, I’m not here to make your life easier or “better”. What makes my heart sing is you coming back to your center, trusting your inner guru and sharing your uniqueness with the world. I’m committed to bringing you back to your true nature and self through both empowerment and support. If you’d like to dive deeper into your blueprint, understanding your unique energy dynamics and discover the instruction manual for how to live as yourself you can book a 1:1 session with me below.

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